"Why Knowing I'm Inadequate Gives Me Confidence"
It’s been 18 months since I was well enough to sing at a public event. In a coordination of details that could only be brought about by an omnipotent God, this week I opened for Glenys Munn on her "Stitch On" tour, providing a 15-minute program at the CWCI event in my home town.
Early in July, when I was very ill, weary and frustrated with the struggle to cope with the basics of life, the Lord prompted me to begin preparing a new program. "That will be a long way in the future," I supposed, but reminded myself, "A farmer who prays for rain should plow his fields in readiness."
I started writing it, trusting that Jesus would give me the strength and opportunity to use the program when it was ready. I had no idea how soon He meant! Then, on the first Saturday in August, in the space of an hour I wrote the lyrics to a melody I've been singing in private for a couple of years. I was very excited to have words to it at last. I didn't at that point connect the two projects.
At the end of July, my doctor started me on a new diet, more severe than what I've been on, and within two days I saw sufficient result to give me the determination to persevere through the difficulties. Two weeks later I received a phone call inviting me to sing at "Stitch On".
A month earlier my reply would have been a prompt, "Sorry, but no." Supported by the astonishing fact that I had a suitable program nearly ready, and I was feeling better than I had all year, I took a step of faith that I would be strong enough to perform on the 29th. By that date, the Lord had further confirmed this was indeed where He wanted my program presented.
Yes, my brand new song "One Voice" made its public debut. It's such fun to sing, and I love the story that goes with it -- I'm eager for you to hear it.
I was even well enough to sew a new hat for the day, using stretch velour left over from my 21st outfit, and a balmoral/caubeen pattern I found at Xmarksthescot.com.
Boutique Narelle Fashion Tip: Ladies, if you don't have the time, energy, or funds to do something pretty with your hair, cover it with a stylish hat!
"Stitch On" tour team Judy, Esther, and Glenys with Narelle after the event
"Do you ever struggle with a lack of confidence, or feeling unworthy?"
Usually when I'm performing, my focus is split between the music/message I'm putting across and hiding the challenges my body is throwing at me. The way this program is written, my imperfections are the feature [title: “Why My Inadequacy Gives Me Confidence”], so yesterday I wasn't trying to hide things like shaking hands, memory blanks, croaky throat, fuggy mouth, and awkward balance. It was good that my audience witness my difficulties, because these confirmed what I was saying. I like how being real made the situation easier for me to handle. It also created a powerful connection with my audience.
One of my favourite moments was when an audience member thanked me for being open about my inadequacy. She said that seeing someone up front who looks confident and perfect yet who is admitting she doesn’t have it all together gave her hope that she, who definitely suffers from a lack of confidence, might be able to achieve more than she thought she could. I really appreciate her sharing that with me.
The event was filmed by Tararua Television. I hope that soon you'll get to hear the key to why my inadequacy gives me confidence, and enjoy the music that goes with it.